By: Hugh Wilson
Studies suggest that turning 30, 40 or even 50 can be a boon for your sex life.
Good
sex is the preserve of feisty 20-year-olds with great bodies and
rocket-fuelled sex drives. At least, that’s what most people think.
But
a new survey begs to differ. According to a US poll of over 2,000 men
and women, sex really does get better with age - and that’s particularly
true for men. The study found that men are the most confident in bed
between the ages of 50 and 69, while women experience their peak of
sexual confidence between 18 and 29.
So as men get older, their
confidence in the bedroom increases, making sex more fun, less stressful
and more satisfying. Here are a few more reasons why your sex life will
only get better.
Men worry less
You may
worry a bit about the odd grey hair or the laughter lines around your
eyes (nothing’s that funny, eh?) but you worry far less about getting
older than your partner does.
According to the poll, only 34% of men are worried about the physical signs of ageing - compared to 56% of women.
The poll also found that the word most associated with men and grey hair was “distinguished”, while with women it’s “old”.
Why
is any of this good for your sex life past 30? For a start, it means
men are less self-conscious in bed, leaving them freer to enjoy the
experience. As we age we no longer feel the need to show our 'best side'
or hide wobbly bits. We’re much more likely to think: take me how I am.
The
other upside to all this is that our partners spend a lot of time and
effort warding off the ravages of age. From a purely selfish
perspective, many 35- or 40-year-old women have never looked so good.
Some research even suggests that the ‘cougar’ phenomenon is driven by a
subconscious confusion: young men are primed by evolution to go for
long, luscious locks, clear skin and sparkling eyes, the genetic signals
of youth. All of which are increasingly found on older women.
Women get sexier
So
our partners are looking great, and they’re also more into sex. That’s
really not surprising. According to The New Hite Report (2000), older
women are more likely to enjoy more multiple orgasms than younger women.
The Pennell study of 2001 found that women's sexual arousal or capacity
to orgasm actually increases with age.
The National Over-45s Sex
Survey carried out by Health Plus magazine found that older women are
also more adventurous - with 89% admitting they like to vary positions
and locations, including the garden. A majority said that sex was better
in their 40s than it had been in their 20s.
This all suggests
that women prefer sex when they get older, but what about men? There’s a
simple 'it takes two to tango' argument here. If older women are having
all that wild sex, their partners must be too. And let’s admit it, if
your wife or girlfriend is enjoying the experience you’re more likely to
enjoy it as well. Her satisfaction only adds to your lust.
It’s
also true that as we age more of the sex we have is within the bounds of
secure, long-term relationships. That might sound boring compared to
the one-night stands of youth, but research suggest the most satisfying
sex - for both parties - happens within marriage or long-term
partnerships.
As relationship counsellor and sex expert Julia
Coles said: “The idea that wild sex means sex with a stranger is a myth.
The most important element of a fulfilling sex life is trust.”
The prime ages for sex
As you leave your 20s behind sex might get slower, more sensual and less wham, bam, thank you ma'am. That’s a good thing.
Sex
therapist David Schnarch talks about the difference between genital
prime and sexual prime. For men, the genital prime is in our late teens
or early 20s. We get aroused in seconds and can have sex three times a
night. We’re in our physical prime.
Unfortunately, our minds are
not yet primed for the best sex. We might be too impulsive, too insecure
or simply not experienced or confident enough. Schnarch says that many
men reach their sexual prime much later, and sometimes not until middle
age.
And as you hit your 30s and beyond, you know what you like and you’re not afraid to ask for it.
You’re
also better at sex physically, even if arousal takes longer and the
three-times-a-night sessions are a distant memory. You’ll be less prone
to 'hair trigger' problems, for a start, and in your 30s you bring the
perfect combination of stamina and experience to your sex life.
If
you’re 40 or 50, there’s good news too. While 20-somethings report the
highest rates of sexual activity, according to Harvard Medical School
research, men in their 40s and 50s report equally high rates of sexual
satisfaction. In other words, sex is as much fun when you’re 50 as it is
when you’re 20.
So the good news for your sex life is that,
whether it’s great, OK, or in need of a jump start, the best is probably
yet to come.
