Want to know how to flirt without coming off as too desperate or over-the-top? Read on for flirting advice that's sure to get you noticed while keeping you a lady
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How to decipher her flirting signals
Compliment him
A woman complimenting a man on something she finds attractive is super sexy without being too suggestive -- as long as she focuses on his PG attributes.
“Complimenting a guy is a great way to flirt without giving up your power,” says Carole Lieberman, M.D., psychiatrist and author of Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets. “When you give a compliment, it shows that you feel self-confident enough to make someone else feel good. This not only makes the guy feel less threatened by you, but your apparent self-confidence also makes you more attractive.”
Smile
It’s easy, effective and any girl can do it!
“Smiling is the easiest way to flirt,” says Lieberman. “It’s guaranteed to make you look a lot prettier, and you don’t have to prepare for it first. Another advantage to a smile is that it’s non-committal. You could be flirting with him, or you could be remembering something funny that someone said to you earlier in the day. So you don’t have to be embarrassed if he doesn’t flirt back.”
Give him openers for conversation
Make it easy for him to talk to you by having a few topics in mind that will get the conversation bubbling. You can talk about the venue where you’re at, the drink you’re enjoying -- just about anything that he could potentially chime in on.
“A lot of guys get stuck figuring out how to start a conversation without seeming dorky or too smitten,” says Lieberman. “So, if you give him an opening, he’ll feel less on the spot and appreciate the encouragement.”
Touch him
A tap on the arm to reinforce your point will do the trick. (Save his inner thigh for after you’ve gotten to know him.)
“Flirtatious touching is a great indicator that you are into someone,” says Sadie Allison, M.D., founder of TickleKitty.com and bestselling author of Tickle His Pickle -- Your Hands-On Guide to Penis-Pleasing. “But keep it clean so he doesn’t get the wrong idea of your light affection.
Touching the arm, hair or face is ok. A brush on his chest might be ok too -- just stay above the belly!”
Make eye contact -- then look away
“Making eye contact and holding it just a few seconds longer than a casual glance causes him to take notice of you and start to wonder what you may have meant by that,” says Lieberman. “It’s the cool ‘silent flirt’ that can make him want to know more.”
No need to wink or lick your lips (ew!). A simple glance will do.
Be expressive
Catch his eye by being the type of woman who isn’t afraid to get up and dance or stay seated and express her opinions.
“Showing a man that you are bold in your feelings about life can capture his attention and make him want to get to know you,” says Lieberman. “Men don’t like women who are boring, insipid or lethargic. Express yourself and he’ll want to engage with you.”
Flip your hair
“If you’re not too obvious about it, flipping your hair is a classic sign that you’re being flirtatious,” says Lieberman. “It worked in 6th grade and it will still work for you as a grown woman.”
Men find the feminine aspects of your appearance irresistible and there’s nothing like the tried-and-true toss of your mane to pique his interest.
Make fun of him
Another thing to borrow from the 6th grade? Be a little mean. Men love to be teased -- just be sure that your try at humor doesn’t come off as rude.
“A well-placed barb that deflates his puffery can be effective,” says Lieberman. “But, you need to be able to walk the fine line between showing him that you’re clever and not intimidated, without hurting his feelings. Men like an intellectual challenge, but remember they have sensitive egos that bristle at too much sarcasm.”
Be an actual lady
Contrary to what you might think, you don’t need to be “one of the guys” -- in fact, be just the opposite!
“While it’s great to have a ‘tomboy’ up your sleeve for the fun sporty things you may do with him later, when you’re new and just in the flirting phase, keep it sweet and simple,” says Dr. Allison. “Men are attracted to the feminine qualities of a woman, and will take you more seriously as a potential mate when you exhibit that. Plus, it will show him you’ll know how to act appropriately when you meet his mom!”
Ask him questions
“Asking questions shows you’re interested in knowing him better,” says Allison. “Commenting on what he tells you is even better, and shows you’re really listening to what he’s saying. Keep the questions lighthearted and general. Find out about who he is and what he likes. Do not ask questions about sex -- it may give the wrong impression and the conversation could go downhill fast.”
Suggest hanging out
A flirty way to ask for a date without really asking is to suggest doing something related to a topic you’ve just discussed. Like, if he says he just went skiing tell him you’re interested in learning how.
“Lots of people talk but many don’t listen,” says Fulbright. “He’ll appreciate that you really do process what he says and that it’s important enough to remember.”
Bring up something from the news
Okay. Don’t be a current events geek or Bachelorette-loony about this but ask for his opinion on something in the “news” or in pop culture that he couldn’t have missed unless he lived under a rock.
“This shows you care about what he thinks,” says Allison. “It’s a great way to flirt and gives him an opportunity to enjoy being around you. Acknowledge his thoughts, even if you don’t agree. And be sure not to barge in with your own opinion, derailing his. Keep the conversation mutually respective. Stay away from slutty by not talking about sex -- at all.”
Be open
When you have inviting body language -- appearing warm and friendly -- he’ll find you much more approachable.
“Open body language is inviting and sends the right message so he knows you’re into him,” says Allison. “Subtle openness like loose arms (never fold them), lots of eye-contact, smiles and giggles to his comments are all good. Just don’t take it too far, like leaning in showing cleavage, or not sitting like a lady.”
Be wanted
Use your powers of attraction to grab the attention of other men in the room. No -- don’t make out with them. Just make sure he realizes other men notice you, too.
“Being wanted by other men is a healthy addition to your overall flirt effect,” says Allison. “When you carry yourself well, hold your head high with self-confidence and security, it's very attractive to men. Add a hot outfit that’s well put together to the mix and there’ll be no stopping you! Just don’t be surprised when you notice eyes scanning you from across the room. When a man observes other men interested in his hot date, it reassures him he’s got a good catch. He’ll feel proud and he’ll want you even more.”
Dance with him
“Dancing is very sensual in nature, allowing you to give hints of what’s to come and express how much you want him without throwing yourself at him,” says Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D., author of Sultry Sex Talk to Seduce Any Lover. “He can also feel physically close to you, in a way that will have him wanting more.”
But no humpty dance please.
Mimic his movements
When you mirror the movements of someone you’re interested in it sends the signal that you’re on the same wavelength. For starters, try subtle moves like sitting in the same position that he’s in.
“This is the ultimate flattery,” says Fulbright. “And so much of the processing happens on a subconscious level, making us like people who mirror us more.”
Ask him for help
There’s no better way to make a man feel wanted than to ask for his help with something -- even if you know you could do it yourself!
“It feels good to be needed and helpful,” says Fulbright. “It’s a great ego stroke and shows that you think highly of him.”
Radiate confidence
“Self-assurance can be such an aphrodisiac when done in a genuine -- not look-at-me -- way,” says Fulbright. “People glow when they feel good about themselves and that’s simply sexy!”
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